How I’m gonna work this out

Just a quick update on why it may seem as though I have thrown myself back into repose.

You come to a point in your life — no mat­ter how lame or amaz­ing a per­son you are — when you have to take a look at exactly who it is you are and com­pare that per­son with exactly who it is you want to be. I’ve come to that point as a result of sev­eral events that have tran­spired over the last few months, and I have drawn sev­eral con­clu­sions about myself. I’ll only dis­cuss one here. I hope this res­onates with at least one of the dozens of peo­ple that pay atten­tion to what goes on at this domain.

My goals for myself are not nec­es­sar­ily in line with God’s goals for me. I am just now begin­ning to stom­ach the fact that, in spite of any of my delu­sions about the matu­rity of my spir­i­tual walk, I am still hold­ing on to my own old (and in some cases self­ish) dreams. Some time ago, I prayed and fasted for God to reveal, in any way, some insight into what my whole rea­son for being might be (oh, I guess I should’ve pref­aced this with a warn­ing about the Jesus-freak rhetoric I’m going to get into here, but I didn’t… so, if that sort of thing isn’t exactly your cup of java, then… umm… have a good day, I guess!?) and I believe He did. It was pretty plain, and made a great deal of sense to me, as well as to my wife, and I saw no way for me to accom­plish any of the tasks asso­ci­ated with that pur­pose with­out fully rely­ing on His help. I accepted it for what it was. My mis­take came in mov­ing for­ward with­out Him. A min­is­ter at my church com­pared it to Peter walk­ing on water, and said, essen­tially — and I’m para­phras­ing a lot here — that if God tells you to go some­where, and your faith in Him is what gets you to a cer­tain point, then don’t, for one instant, think that you can go the rest of the way with­out that faith. And that’s pretty much what I did. That’s what I’ve been doing.

So I’m tak­ing some time to fin­ish up some things so that I can get ready for what­ever plans have been laid out for me. I’m gonna do a lot more pray­ing. That’s about it for now.